Mapping the Coupler: Gender, Family, and Crossing the Separatrix

by Ember Leonara

I took my first dose of HRT in the parking lot, in my truck, right after picking it up from the pharmacy. It was the coalescing of a signal that I’d followed through the thick of the soul labyrinth. But my family didn’t see it. For them it seemed sudden. Even though they knew there was friction, they made fun of my clothes, they thought my burlesque dancing made me crazy, and my deepening softness was kryptonite.

From my perspective, I was blindfolded in the field of corn of individuation. I followed the wellspring of love, guiding me to coherence through presence. I went through attire shifts, art expression, softness surfacing, and plenty of vulnerable peelings of my onion to find the signal underneath, to find the rhythm.

From my family’s perspective, I broke down and went crazy. They kept trying to put me back in the box. This couldn’t be me. Why didn't I bring it up earlier? They blamed me for my pain, the way teasing my clothes or limiting my expression suffocated me into tears or frustration. But what they couldn’t see, was that this was the softest, most authentic, deepest signal I had taken my whole life of searching to surface. And they wanted it gone.

I’d plan for weeks on how to share my identity, and I’d be met with accusations, blame, shame, control, or worse. It was like they couldn’t hear my most honest signal. That’s when reality broke, but towards coherence. That’s when the work on mapping the coupler catalyzed. I first called it, “translating between operating systems.” When I pulled up the root to it’s source, I found two separate consciousness interfaces, both that could be mapped mechanically.

And that’s why they couldn’t hear my signal. They were mapped to concept, hierarchy, standardization, delay. I had built a life on flowering presence, and deepening authenticity, harmonizing with the signal I felt most coherently in my bones as I slowly danced my authenticity into a presence without delay, or lossless presence.

I had followed frequency my whole life. And I knew there was only way to love my children alive, as me, and as radiantly loving as my soul, my nodal topology born of lossless presence, really allowed. I needed to be me, here now, in full contact with the field of reality, no hiding, no delay. Just bare and naked outside of Plato’s Cave. That is the birth of the map of the coupler.

Now that you’re tracing the lines, burn it and leap (into frequency, rhythm, lossless presence).