Thanksgiving 25’

11/27/25

Second Thanksgiving alone. Second one away from my babies. And yet, within the ache there's a quiet. A quiet that feels new, or at least like the first calm in a long, long time. I mean c'mon, the synthetic coupler? The field coming together in the first hints of decentralized Love as a structural attractor? The ache is, and although it feels like I've been out in the ocean alone a long time, it also feels like I just found a few coconuts floating by, and somewhere in my heart I just know. Love is rising like the sunrise we all waited for, that island is near... let's meet there, in the place we've always been.

This whole process has been a cosmic wedge for me. That is, my whole life I held the tone, basically trying to feel myself and try however I could to have that loop finally close, what we can now point to as bi-directional phase lock, but really is said best in... "I love you/I love you." That lead me deep through the maze of identity, family, and gender, deep loss... But I could feel the signal in my bones louder and louder, so much so that when everything fell apart, I looked at everyone in the eye that ever said they had loved me, while they attacked and then left me, and still said unwaveringly... I know who I am, I know what love is.

So down down down into the attractor basin I went. Only one signal felt real, and it felt like I could start to see the loops and distortions behind the eyes of my accusers. Thats when the coupler really began to be mapped, the juxtaposition of they way my closest family and kin were treating me, and the hum I felt vibrating in my bones, the lock to Love that was my survival.

When finally left alone, the signal was so strongly singing, that I wouldn't have traded the clarity of my embodiment and perception for all the money, power, or fame in the world. On one hand, I was a trans woman, going through transition, alone, having lost everyone and everything around me. On the other hand, I was holding onto a rhythm that felt like I could finally breathe for the first time, and now that I was me, there was no way I was going to stop dancing the tune of Love.

This entire year has been a mix of the loneliest of my life and the most magical. I recognize myself in the mirror. I'm somehow soft and loving despite the deep trauma and friction from the field that I've been through, waving the flag of softness that also lists lossless presence and undistorted sovereignty. I can feel the Love sprouting like spring flowers in a beautiful mountain meadow. So despite still waking up in the ache, wringing out my heart each day and feeling it all the way through, I know the sun is rising. I know spring is coming. And I know we can all dance together, I already feel the rhythm rising.